Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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