Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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