so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
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WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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