At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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