Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Pants are for mortals
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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