If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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