so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
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He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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