For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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