i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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