so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
two words...techno handjob
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Are we still banned from the library?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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