but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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