So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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