I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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