Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize