I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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