Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
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Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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