We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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