It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
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Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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