just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
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Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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