i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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