I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
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I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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