Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize