Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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