Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
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he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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