how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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