DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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