i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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