shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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