yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
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Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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