after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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