I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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