ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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