what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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