At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize