i just had sex bonerless
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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