You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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