I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize