i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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