Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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