I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my poor anus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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