using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize