either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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