If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
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Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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