If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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