So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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