Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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