so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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