I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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