No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
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That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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