Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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